i woke and i
couldn’t stop running
like a train was
late
i had all these metallic
comments
jiggling inside my
brain
couldn’t wrench a
gap
big enough to drip
them out
i purposely
fuelled that little ego, tryna
flesh out some
form of defense in there,
tryna compete for
complacency
with my mind set
like an interface
i crumble under
all that communication
lazy like
menstrual blood in the sheets
‘hey darling
what’s your name’ he says
i pretend he isn’t
there while his question lingers
let it get sucked
back whence it came, like spit after vomit
let them all get
kicked in the shin
i recoil in my
seat while he sits
his legs spread
like a lap dance patron
kneeing me in the
back
my eyes start chatting
up a storm inside my brain
and quietly
my teeth
plot mischief
and i was talking
to people, you know, conversation
outwardly i was at
full function
useful appliance,
i do good
creep inside i’m
orchestrating
a little war
and in the office i’m
scruffy, my angles don’t match
the sleek black
chair beneath me
i watch the men,
bulky, jagged and civilised
their voices like
low piano scales
racing each other
out of breath
and i think, fuck
them and their houses
their big, grey
houses
and all their
shiny cars.