Spinning through
another new years, got a little lost with my
destructive side. As
per me, not one for half measures,
caught myself
running to a place beyond feeling
Then I was there, spat out on
the other end, loose teeth
and no sense of
direction. Been crawling on all fours since
I’m reeling at the
crazed mechanisms of my heart, again
unsure what its
admin is, other than to destroy me
Who wrote this
part of me? Crazed coyote howls, literal slobber
Coughing out
emotion nonsense, tantrums tiring like a toddler
Waking after
lukewarm nap to dark room, repeating
It’s 6am Monday
and I’m awake ‘cause I’ve never felt worse
and in these
moments sleep is poor relief, plus
my masochistic
side likes to relish. There’s that sickening sweet part
to all the dumb
heartache
In my lighter
moods I like to think at least we’re all learning
(he sat on my
couch in tears, told me how many years ago someone had said
‘I’ve never met anyone so willing to feel
every single emotion,’ oh, darling--)
and on my blackest
days I cant help but laugh
at how
ridiculously we repeat the same patterns