seasonal diary

*

for me, it was endless

the lapping of the day, the weather

looking for ways to slow my heart beat

she was there, her slow geography

merging with my usual context

sitting in the garden, eating crumbs of sedation

the university grounds

pooling around me

like the greyness of a shopping centre

and when the night time came i met him

down a crooked street, we walked hand in hand

ordered chinese, ate with silver chopsticks

mashed our tongues together in the cold of 8pm

later, minutes, happily aneasthetised

reading horoscopes and swaying round the platform

closed my eyes the whole way home

shimmering over lamp lit gutters

sunday night i climbed aboard his bed of doubt

and all was dark save for laptop screen.

when i woke

my personal groundhog day

greeted me with familiar hurricane

i worked it out, though

got through all the admin stuff

got to the core, my little cup

tipping lively down the throat of struggle

we woke to fuck and slept again

fed the dog and watched the moon

her clean kindness shone

in my feigned domestic sovereignty

and weariness felt lighter

when i let all that muck settle down

bodies curled like question marks, turning like a key

tonight i’ll continue my little hobby

of rewiring my brain.