be merry

i woke and i couldn’t stop running

like a train was late

i had all these metallic comments

jiggling inside my brain

couldn’t wrench a gap

big enough to drip them out

i purposely fuelled that little ego, tryna

flesh out some form of defense in there,

tryna compete for complacency

with my mind set like an interface

i crumble under all that communication

lazy like menstrual blood in the sheets

‘hey darling what’s your name’ he says

i pretend he isn’t there while his question lingers

let it get sucked back whence it came, like spit after vomit

let them all get kicked in the shin

i recoil in my seat while he sits

his legs spread like a lap dance patron

kneeing me in the back

my eyes start chatting up a storm inside my brain

and quietly

my teeth

plot mischief

and i was talking to people, you know, conversation

outwardly i was at full function

useful appliance, i do good

creep inside i’m orchestrating

a little war

and in the office i’m scruffy, my angles don’t match

the sleek black chair beneath me

i watch the men, bulky, jagged and civilised

their voices like low piano scales

racing each other out of breath

and i think, fuck them and their houses

their big, grey houses

and all their shiny cars.