The past is in us, and not behind us.

Seb and I have a tradition of very theatrically singing and dancing along to hole in the kitchen in preparation for a night out. On Friday we went to a gig in a warehouse in Brunswick, we stood in a nearby alley drinking wine out of water bottles and discussing the amazing feats that are our minds and how strange and scary and bizarre it is when they are out of control, and how little we really know about ourselves. I’ve been piecing things together, I guess over the last few months, working out why I am the way I am and why I am me, what made me. And it’s quite phenomenal to pin point moments in my childhood that have so dramatically moulded my perceptions to this very day – and how coping mechanisms developed at an early age can become distorted into habitual obsessive thought patterns – the idea of re learning how to think is scary and hard but sometimes necessary and it doesn’t mean we’re crazy it means we want to change and grow and get the most out of life.

Things are changing all around me. I have a job now, at an ice cream parlour in Ivanhoe and to be honest I really like it, which is funny, because I’ve always hated working and I have the worst ethic out of anyone I know. But I’m growing up now, and I’ll be 21 in a little over a month.

Yesterday Jack and I celebrated our one-year anniversary, it was so fun, we woke up and for the first time in a while we weren’t hungover which was pleasant, and we went to savers and bought each other the silliest and funniest presents, and ate burritos, and had funny conversations with the staff of grandma funk. We then went to the Nova to see The Turning, which is an adaptation of the Tim Winton short story collection of the same title – seventeen short stories adapted by seventeen different directors. It was absolutely amazing and it blew both our minds, I was just incredibly amazed at how fucking brilliant all the directors were and how different yet complementary and cohesively beautiful each piece was, and how they came together to shape such an amazing story. I was telling Jack after we left the cinema how I’d forgotten what an impact Tim Winton had had on me when I was seventeen and I first read Cloudstreet – I fell in love with that book and have read it many times since, and when I was in year 12 I went on a crazy Tim Winton splurge and read Dirt Music, Breath, That eye the sky, Riders and The Turning.

Jack and I went back to his and built a blanket fort and watched the OC and got emotional when the theme song came on because we were both really emotionally invested in the show as thirteen year olds and it was really funny because it’s actually such an average show yet so so iconic in our minds. I haven’t done an actual post like this in a while where I just talk about myself and stuff but it’s been fun.