Tuesday 3 March 2015

freewrite@12:13

menopausal temperature fluctuations
swilling around like coffee dregs
trying not to touch the sides
soundless movement that fucks around
your insides.
plugging in and out 
of love
and feeling the walls around the others
and feeling the floor
of my womb
and the muscles
spasming
in a joyous celebration
of their relevance.

piss
brown and murky - satisfactory
            the blank white page is the only thing
that i find truly dirty. perverse. upsetting.
to settle
is to acknowledge your lack
of fixidity. fixedness. fixidation. the middle word is correct.
the others are lexically
irrelevant. yesterday
great heaving sobs
like a backpack full of writhing mice
made me reconsider
my state.

on the oval, where i wasn’t
the children cartwheeled, she said.
how nice it must be, to have such mobility,
to have such a day
full of movement.
on the train,
i made eye contact (decidedly)
and the results varied. most were unwilling.
on the train,
i made a decision
to never grow so old again.

and i’ll catch the buses
and the buses
and i’ll wipe the vinegar down. i’ll wipe
the makeup off my face and wipe
the doorframe fingerprints. i’ll open and close
the water bottles, i’ll pull the hair
out of hair ties, i'll pull
on coats under blaring sun and sweat
in the evening breeze, i'll
take what i'm given i'll ask
for more - i'll take what i'm
after i'll
lessen
the price i'll ask
for directions i'll ask
for help
i’ll write down
email addresses i’ll write
down words 
and words
and words.



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