Days. Days spent in bed. Yesterday me and Seb watched a french film called CRAZY and i think we both hated it and it left us both feeling pretty awful, it was one of those movies where really nothing good happens and you don't identify with any of the characters and therefore don't really care when they're sad or when they die. But it was about a family and was set over 10 or 15 years and i do like films that follow that general concept because i like to see how people change over time. It had an amazing soundtrack I'll give it that.
I've been re watching Dream of Life, the Patti Smith documentary - i never tire of it and every time i watch it i notice something new and something will resonate with me differently then the last time. It's also filmed over 10 years, and with a lot of footage from the 70's and 80's - it's practically her whole life condensed into film. You see her children grow up. She talks a lot about the Beats, about Allen Ginsberg and Gregory Corso, and there's some footage from Ginsberg's memorial service - where Patti reads one of my favourite of his poems, On the Cremation of Chogyam Trungpa. The first time i watched it i cried. It's accompanied by piano music and it works so well it sends me shivers - but the second time i watched it i realised the accompanying pianist is in fact Phillip Glass! Who composed Einstein on the Beach (and also the soundtrack to one of my favourite movies The Hours) and I felt so happy and sad that he and Patti had done a collaboration and in fact they have done many over time, and i felt happy to be a human being and to know that they are also human beings and are capable of doing truly amazing things. This is a feeling I have often and i treasure it, it's different from acknowledging that someone has done something amazing - which is so often tinged with jealousy - whycouldntidothat illneverbethatgood - but actually feeling proud to have them in this world. You could describe it as the 'Sublime' - depending on which definition you're looking at.
On friday night i went out with some of my high school friends and it was really nice to see them again, in the early hours of the morning we went to Pony which is now called Boney and it was nothing like it used to be and it made me sad how things have changed and how i'll never be able to re live those days again, of being 15 and going out with my fake id and meeting up with my then boyfriend who was older and who would steal bottles of gin from behind the bar and dancing with punks who had green mohawks and studded leather jackets. I was talking to Amy who i used to call Freckle but now just Amy and that's a whole other story but basically we were talking about how we are each other's oldest friends, which is a strange thought because the group i used to run around with had known me since i was a preteen, and they had known my parents and they'd known all my bad hair phases and embarrassing stories and everything everything that's happened to me. In some ways i've become a different person in the last year, and those things don't apply to me anymore. When i went to a party and saw some other old high school friends a couple of weeks ago, i caught up with a boy who i used to be very very close with but unfortunately we just grew apart you know how it is and anyway he told me he still has a picture of my mum in his room from the funeral brochure and he said he looks at it every day. It really moved me i can't explain it i mean i feel like i'd been dying to hear that from someone for a long time, i like it when i see my family and we talk about my mum and it's nice and it's sad that Jack and Seb and Kassie will never meet my mum and they won't know what she was like or how her voice sounded.
Last night Jack had a gathering in his cottage and i drank too much red wine and my head hurts still and i don't feel like doing anything at all.
I've been re watching Dream of Life, the Patti Smith documentary - i never tire of it and every time i watch it i notice something new and something will resonate with me differently then the last time. It's also filmed over 10 years, and with a lot of footage from the 70's and 80's - it's practically her whole life condensed into film. You see her children grow up. She talks a lot about the Beats, about Allen Ginsberg and Gregory Corso, and there's some footage from Ginsberg's memorial service - where Patti reads one of my favourite of his poems, On the Cremation of Chogyam Trungpa. The first time i watched it i cried. It's accompanied by piano music and it works so well it sends me shivers - but the second time i watched it i realised the accompanying pianist is in fact Phillip Glass! Who composed Einstein on the Beach (and also the soundtrack to one of my favourite movies The Hours) and I felt so happy and sad that he and Patti had done a collaboration and in fact they have done many over time, and i felt happy to be a human being and to know that they are also human beings and are capable of doing truly amazing things. This is a feeling I have often and i treasure it, it's different from acknowledging that someone has done something amazing - which is so often tinged with jealousy - whycouldntidothat illneverbethatgood - but actually feeling proud to have them in this world. You could describe it as the 'Sublime' - depending on which definition you're looking at.
On friday night i went out with some of my high school friends and it was really nice to see them again, in the early hours of the morning we went to Pony which is now called Boney and it was nothing like it used to be and it made me sad how things have changed and how i'll never be able to re live those days again, of being 15 and going out with my fake id and meeting up with my then boyfriend who was older and who would steal bottles of gin from behind the bar and dancing with punks who had green mohawks and studded leather jackets. I was talking to Amy who i used to call Freckle but now just Amy and that's a whole other story but basically we were talking about how we are each other's oldest friends, which is a strange thought because the group i used to run around with had known me since i was a preteen, and they had known my parents and they'd known all my bad hair phases and embarrassing stories and everything everything that's happened to me. In some ways i've become a different person in the last year, and those things don't apply to me anymore. When i went to a party and saw some other old high school friends a couple of weeks ago, i caught up with a boy who i used to be very very close with but unfortunately we just grew apart you know how it is and anyway he told me he still has a picture of my mum in his room from the funeral brochure and he said he looks at it every day. It really moved me i can't explain it i mean i feel like i'd been dying to hear that from someone for a long time, i like it when i see my family and we talk about my mum and it's nice and it's sad that Jack and Seb and Kassie will never meet my mum and they won't know what she was like or how her voice sounded.
Last night Jack had a gathering in his cottage and i drank too much red wine and my head hurts still and i don't feel like doing anything at all.
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